The Cipher's Apprentice
by kairi's friend
Summary: Tired of doing dumb chores, Dipper jumps at the chance to learn something about the secrets of the universe - but he might get more than he bargained for. Inspired by The Sorcerer's Apprentice, this is a one-shot I wrote for Halloween.


**A/N: This story is inspired by the Disney cartoon, the original _Der Zauberlehrling _poem, and the music from Paul A. Dukas' "Sorcerer's Apprentice."**

**Also, I put lots of Easter eggs relating to the show in here; however, there's one thing in this story that's not related to Gravity Falls, but is related to Halloween. Can you find it?**

With a wave of his dark hands, blue flames appear, producing a faint glow in the monochrome shack. He's mastered this trick already - it's a great warm-up exercise - but he enjoys a dramatic touch every now and then while he works. He creates more flames, casting a bright blue glow on his yellow face, not noticing his apprentice lug chopped firewood inside or set it in a dark corner.

Though Dipper has worked for Bill Cipher for a few months now, he hasn't learned any of the secrets of the universe. That was the deal: Dipper does chores and errands for Bill, who would teach him the secrets of the universe in return. When he sets the last of the logs on the pile, he wipes his brow and watches Bill perform more tricks.

Bill's eye barely squints in concentration - after all, he is the most powerful creature in this land. With a clap of his hands, illusion after illusion appears: deer teeth, rainbows, a Pitt cola. Dipper wants to watch, but he's not allowed to loiter while Bill is working. Good thing the triangle doesn't notice him: Bill loves playing tricks on him and scaring him and then saying it was all a joke. Dipper shuffles to the door - but at the last minute, ducks behind the cash register's desk. He adjusts the brim of his cap as he peeks his eyes over the desk top. Bill hasn't taught him one single spell or shown him any secrets of Gravity Falls: it's about time he learned something.

He holds his breath when Bill suddenly creates a wheel divided into ten sections, each section with a symbol. The demon stares at it for a moment before sweeping both hands out, making all his illusions and the wheel disappear in a bright flash of light. Dipper squeezes his eyes, but still has to throw his hands out to block the light, and as soon as the lights stop flashing behind his eyelids, he opens his left eye and watches Bill close his eye and stretch as if he were yawning. Wait, can Bill sleep? He's never known the guy to ever get tired or injured.

Then again, he's not allowed to see Bill any time after 11PM. Both eyes open, Dipper's gaze darts to the owl clock hanging on the wall. 11:01. Does Bill know this? Dipper crouches further behind the desk, not wanting to ruin this opportunity.

Bill's eye half-opens, and his triangular body droops a little as he floats to the desk. Dipper drops to the floor and presses his back against the side of the desk, his heart pounding. He was spotted, he'll be caught for sure. Who knows what Bill will do to him?

He hears something being put on the table and listens to the faint humming of Bill's power fade, as if he were leaving the room. He waits a moment before deeming it safe enough to come out. Slowly, he stands up, stretching out his stiff knees and sore calves. The only thing of Bill he sees is his black hat, softly glowing from its spot on the desk top. The hat's glow reflects in his brown eyes, which flicker to the door to make sure the isosceles monster isn't coming back anytime soon. Hearing and seeing no tell-tale signs, Dipper beams. This is it. His chance to learn something about the secret world of Gravity Falls.

He reaches up to remove his blue-and-white hat with the pine tree symbol on it and sets Bill's black top hat on his head. It stops glowing when he puts it on, and power surges through his body for a moment. Oh, gosh, this is so amazing! He's never been this close to any source of power before! What should he do first?

The first thing that pops into Dipper's mind is all the dumb chores he still has to do: chopping firewood, chasing bats and other pests out of rooms, and cleaning the Mystery Shack. He groans and facepalms. Bill's gonna kill him! What's he gonna do? He looks up and glances around the room - there in the corner! A lawn gnome! He can make the gnome do all the chores for him. He grins, stepping around the desk and sneaking quietly over to the lawn gnome. It might be nighttime, but he doesn't trust that tricky triangle, especially after he was awakened in the middle of the night by frogs hopping all over him and Bill snickering as he screamed like a girl and brushed all the frogs off of him.

Hmm, how's he gonna do this? He considers different things he's seen Bill do, wonders which one would work best for a ceramic lawn gnome. He shoots his hands out and wiggles his fingers.

Nothing.

He claps his hands, waves his arms in the air, does every single kind of gesture he's seen the triangle guy do.

Still the gnome is as still as a statue.

Growling, he paces the floor. What would make it come to life and clean the shack? If only there were instructions or a diagram or -

He stops pacing. The journals. Bill looks through the three of those whenever he needs to brush up on his knowledge of a certain spell or a certain creature. Surely, there should be something in there about animating objects.

* * *

><p>It takes him longer to find the three books than he thought. He stifles a yawn as he plops all the journals onto the desk top. He opens the first one, but finds nothing particularly useful in it. The second one shows how to make an amulet that can make things move around and hover, but it would require Dipper wearing the amulet and mentally controlling the gnome the whole time. He rubs his eyes as he flips through the pages of the third journal.<p>

Finally, he finds a page with an animation spell. There's a red warning at the bottom of the page not to repeat these spells within a short timeframe. He reads the incantation a few times, making sure he has it memorized. Sighing, he leaves the open journal on the desk, turns to the lawn gnome. He shoots his hands out and recites the spell.

The gnome glows and trembles, then stills.

Dipper frowns. Maybe he didn't say it loud enough? The warning flashes in his mind, but he figures if he didn't do it right the first time it doesn't count. He repeats the spell, louder, and the gnome shakes, pulsing a faint aura.

Suddenly, it dims and hops forward.

Dipper, biting back a grin, beckons the figurine closer.

It hops towards him.

He fully grins, satisfied that his magic paid off. He beckons it closer, and with two snaps of his fingers, its arms loosen. Two more snaps free its legs. Dipper motions for the gray-bearded gnome to follow him as he heads to the front door, a skip in his step. He doesn't care if skipping isn't manly; he just cast a spell - without Bill's help! How hard can this secret magic stuff be?

* * *

><p>Dipper practically dances into the living room. It had taken him a while, but he just taught the gnome how to do all his chores: cooking, cleaning, and chopping, to name a few. He grins at the cobwebs near the ceiling that he doesn't have to dust away. He smirks at the glowing eyes of the bats in the rafters that he won't have to chase. Plopping into the plush armchair, he sighs contently that he doesn't have to chop any more firewood. Dipper feels power surging through his veins.<p>

The cross-eyed gnome enters with a feather duster and reaches up on tiptoe to clear the cobwebs away, muttering one word the whole time: Shmebulock. Dipper swings his legs over one arm of the chair and leans back against the other, watching the ceramic guy do all his chores. As much fun as it is watching the lawn ornament, Dipper's eyes begin to droop. He's done so much chopping today, and gathering different items from the forest for Bill, and fighting gremloblins...cooking worm's wart stew...finding...truth teeth...and...

_He opens his eyes, sees a universe of glittering galaxies, shooting stars, and cosmic colors. He takes in the beautiful sight. Ever since he agreed to be Bill's apprentice, he's seen nothing but black and white, so this vision is refreshing. He flies forward without a second thought, remembering how he can do anything in the mindscape. A shooting star with his sister's face on it zooms past him as he soars up, up, up, doing a couple twists and flips, and lands on a huge, floating stone shaped like his great-uncle's head. Bouncing up and down a few times, he points at each star, making it twinkle and spin. He beckons a stream of __stars and comets from one side, and he turns to his other side and does the same. When both cosmic streams cross in front of him, he snaps his fingers in a rhythm, making each star and comet flash and still. He admires his handiwork, then squeezes his eyes shut in concentration and feels his feet lift off from the ground. Opening his eyes, he's proud to see the stone head below him, a blue glow surrounding him as he hovers._

_Once more, his sister's shooting star passes him - this time giving him an idea. He throws out his hand - his sister appears in a flash of lightning. He grins, throwing out his other hand and making his great-uncle appear in a crack of lightning. He swoops forward a couple feet and throws both hands out, making his chubby friend and red-haired crush appear from bolts of lightning. The four smile and cheer him on as he calls forth a swirling, bright blue portal next to him. He snaps his fingers, and a pig jumps through into his sister's arms. Another snap brings forth Abuelita. Each snap calls another friend through the portal, and he beams, holding his hand out to lean against a surface._

_He forgets there's only the portal, and he gasps as he falls through._

* * *

><p>He rolls off the chair, waking up with a start. He rubs his elbow, glancing up. A rat scampers close to him, and he shrieks and crawls back - his hand splashing into a puddle. He looks down and sees a dark green liquid spilling into the living room from the kitchen. His eyes widen in horror as he scrambles to his feet and dashes to the open kitchen door.<p>

The gnome drops in more ingredients than necessary into the pot on the stove, spilling more worm's wart stew. Dipper sloshes through the puddles, but trips over something and lands face-first in the bitter broth. He pushes himself up and turns around to see a log. Another log appears in the corner of his eye, floating into the kitchen on the soup. He stands up, wipes the green stuff off of him as best he can, and hurries after the stout statue as it heads back into the shop. He throws his hands out and commands it to stop.

No power surges through him, and the gnome continues outside, uttering Shmebulock.

Dipper stares at his hands. What went wrong? He rushes to the journal on the desk, flipping through its pages for a stopping spell. All he finds is the red warning not to repeat spells within a short timeframe.

Panic grips his heart. Is this why the gnome won't stop? Because he repeated the spell twice in a row? A chopping noise outside makes him glance at the overflowing pile of firewood. No, no, no, he has to stop this! He spots a baseball bat leaning against the wall. A voice in his head tells him it's for if he sees a pinata - but he has a more urgent use for it.

He snatches it and runs outside. Holding it high above his head, he brings it down on the ceramic gnome. He keeps hitting it until it's nothing more than a thousand still ceramic pieces. Dipper lowers the bat and lets it go, trudging back inside the shack. He shuts the front door and slides down in a huff. He needs a break before even beginning to clean up this mess.

Outside, the thousand pieces twitch, each piece growing, forming the likeness of the original Shmebulock.

Dipper starts towards the living room - a familiar noise stops him dead in his tracks. His heart pounds. Why does he hear ceramic footfalls? Turning back around, he opens the door a crack -

A thousand gnomes force the door open all the way, marching over Dipper's body as they set out to perform all of Dipper's chores. Some gnomes make their way to the kitchen, concocting more green soup. Other gnomes spread throughout the shack, searching for cobwebs, dust, and dirt to clean up. More team up to catch all the pests and shoo them to another part of the building, never thinking to send them outside. The rest, after seeing all other jobs taken, head back outside to chop more firewood. When the last gnome walks across Dipper, he slowly gets to his feet, groaning. Everything hurts, but he can't dwell on that now. He has to set everything right before the gnomes do something even crazier!

* * *

><p>Dipper clutches a floating log for dear life. For ten minutes, the Shmebulocks never stop, their voices irritatingly monotone, their little limbs making an even bigger mess. He crawls onto the log until he sits on top of it, using his hands to paddle himself through the bright green liquid into the shop. The soup level rises, threatening to claim the journals and his hat. He paddles harder and grabs journals 2 and 3, barely grabbing 1 before the liquid level rises above the desk top, carrying his pine tree hat away. Balancing himself on the log, he shifts all the journals to one arm and stretches his other hand out to the doorknob. He snatches the air twice before his fingers touch the wet, slimy knob. He turns it and pries the door open, the soup flowing out the door and forcing the door open. He rides the log, but since he can't control it he hits a Shmebulock. The green puddle on the lawn breaks his fall, but all the Shmebulocks glare at Dipper. He stumbles off the log and stares wide-eyed at the couple hundred gnomes.<p>

The other gnomes inside sense danger and begin to make their way outside. A few stragglers exit the kitchen, walking straight into Bill Cipher's yellow body. He's so annoyed at having been woken up, by living lawn ornaments no less, he doesn't even take out his watch. A couple seconds later, the gnomes walk back out, and he makes them disappear with a snap of his fingers. He hovers over the green goop, wondering what happened. A blue-and-white hat catches his attention. His eye widens. Pine Tree!

* * *

><p>All the Shmebulocks gather outside, each one wielding a weapon of some kind: axe, shovel, frying pan, baseball bat, huge stick. They encircle Dipper, who clutches the journals tight to his chest and wishes someone would make this problem go away. His ankles feel wet, and he looks down at the watery green stuff seeping into his socks. The gnomes did too much, and now the lawn is littered with soup, logs, cleaning supplies, rats swimming to safety or clinging to logs. Bats darken the sky as the circle around Dipper shrinks, gnomes growling. He squeezes his eyes shut - at the same time Bill zooms outside. Upon seeing the huge mess, he throws his hands out to the side. The soup vanishes. He throws his hands out again, and the logs vanish. Again, and the pests vanish. Twice more, and everything is back where it's supposed to be, the thousand gnomes becoming one lifeless lawn ornament.<p>

Dipper, surprised that no one's attacked him yet, squints one eye open. Both eyes open widely and he gasps when he sees Bill in front of him, hands on his "waist," body glowing red, eye glaring at his apprentice. He grins nervously, holding out the journals.

Bill snatches them back and makes them float next to his head, a blue glow surrounding them.

His heart pounds: he's in trouble. Bashfully, he takes the black top hat off his head, dusts it off, slowly extends it out. He flinches when Bill snatches it back and sets it on top of his pointy head. Dipper hangs his head, stuffs his hands in his pockets. He frowns, and his eyes get watery.

The demon's glare softens, his body turning yellow. He knows he's been using the boy as a housemaid this whole time so he wouldn't have to do the chores himself. Maybe he should let the kid off the hook, show him a secret of the universe later. Meanwhile, he pats Pine Tree's head with one hand, the other pulling the blue-and-white hat out from behind him.

Dipper glances up. His hat. He smiles a little as he takes the hat and sets it on his head. It feels good to have his old hat back. Bill holds up a finger as if telling him to wait, then summons a wrapped box with a clap of his hands. Dipper's surprised. Bill, giving him a gift? That never happens. He accepts the present, lifts the top off -

AAAAUUGGHHHHHH!

Dipper screams and drops the present with the screaming head inside, Bill laughing hysterically and wiping his eye.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed reading it! :) And the Halloween phrase I slipped in here was "worm's wart stew," courtesy of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Happy Halloween!**


End file.
